Why Do Social Workers Get Ghosted by Clients?
The social worker wonders, “Where is my client?”
Clients “ghost” social workers for all kinds of different reasons.
Most of the time, missed appointments are due to boring and easily explained reasons. These reasons may include:
• the client forgot and it truly was an honest mistake
or
• the client believed that they had an appointment with you next Wednesday at 3:00 pm—not this Wednesday at 3:00 pm
And sometimes there are other reasons why clients seem to disappear suddenly and inexplicably. Those reasons may include:
• the appointment reminder got deleted or lost
• there has been an emergency and the client is not in a position to notify you
• the client decided that anything (even a visit to the Department of Motor Vehicles) is more interesting than being in your office on Wednesday at 3:00 pm
• the work you have agreed to do together is hard and they don’t believe they can do hard things
• the pros of meeting with you don’t outweigh the cons
• the client’s unjustified shame, embarrassment, or guilt about needing help keeps them from getting help
• a lack of transportation
• they overslept
• they won the lottery and are now out living their very best life (Yay client!)
For social workers in clinical practice, being ghosted can be annoying and also confusing. When we think about our most vulnerable clients, ghosting will probably be accompanied by lots of worry and fear for the client’s well-being and safety. That worry and fear is a healthy sign that you care and value the work you are doing.
In his book, Inspiration for the Weary Therapist: A Practical Clinical Companion, author David Klow writes, “The more confident you are in your work, the less anxious you will feel about clients returning to you or not. If they are not coming back, it is either because they are not ready to do the work or it was not a fit for them to work with you, and they found someone else.”
Social work students and social workers help themselves cope well when they remember that being ghosted is rarely a sign that they are the problem or that they have done something wrong.
The fact is that sometimes we don’t know why a client missed an appointment and never returned unless they tell us. Even when we desire a therapeutic termination, we won’t always experience it in our agencies or practice. That loss in not always knowing why ghosting occurs is something that happens to everyone in social work over the course of their career.
Difficult moments like these give us opportunities to build our resilience while we simultaneously show compassion for our clients.
How are you reframing ghosting today?